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Once upon a time, Thanksgiving used to be simple: food, pleasantries, football, and a long nap. Now, after all these years, it’s a full-blown mission—part feast, part family summit. “Who is cooking what? Who is wearing what? Whose place – yours or mine?” And the dinner table has turned into a mini version of America itself: loud, opinionated, divided, but still showing up, determined to make it work.

The truth is, Thanksgiving is a reminder that conversations don’t have to end in comment sections and that listening, not arguing, is still a national art worth saving. But in every family, we have people who drive us crazy, and so, if you have just sent the invite for a get-together, here’s to saving you from falling into an awkward encounter with them—your survival guide: five conversations worth having—and three best left for another day.

1. The one about what still brings us joy:

Start with this! It’s easy, safe, and surprisingly deep. Ask, “What’s something that made you smile this year?”

We live in an age when doomscrolling feels like a hobby and optimism is absolutely out of fashion; therapy is in. But gratitude—real gratitude (not the hashtag kind)—is the most radical thing we can share. A simple story about a small win or a funny moment can shift the mood faster than any bottle of wine.

2. The one about where we’ve come from:

Ask your parents how they celebrated Thanksgiving when they were your age. Ask your immigrant neighbor about their first American holiday. These stories aren’t nostalgia—they work like a connecting fabric. They remind us that every family, no matter how complex, carries a thread of persistence and change. In a country that’s constantly evolving, it’s good to remember that reinvention is the key to moving forward.

3. The one that begins with a question, not a statement:

In today’s time and era, we’ve all been trained by the internet to declare, not to ask. But curiosity is what keeps the child in you alive and keeps a table from turning into a debate stage. Go ahead and ask your uncle why he feels the way he does and what his routine is like—then actually listen. It’s ok if the conversation sounds a little flowy and verbose and not so Gen-Z, and chances are you may not agree to everything. It’s ok. Just let him finish. Civility doesn’t mean you bite your tongue—it means you keep your humanity intact.

4. The one about what’s changing—and what shouldn’t:

Every family has its traditions: the same recipes, the same arguments, the same person who always forgets the cranberry sauce. But America is changing fast — in who we are, who we love, and how we gather.

Maybe the thanksgiving table now includes vegan stuffing, chosen family, or a Zoom call with relatives abroad. That’s not the end of tradition — that’s the next chapter, a new beginning. Talk about what you want to keep and what new rituals are worth starting. The table should narrate the story of who we’re becoming.

5. The one about what we still owe each other:

Gratitude shouldn’t end at the table. Ask each family member: “What’s one thing they could all do better next year — for each other, or for someone else?” Thanksgiving is a good time to remember that kindness and accountability aren’t political — they’re personal. And maybe, just maybe, they start with passing the rolls instead of the judgment.

Now, the 3 to Avoid (for everyone’s sanity):

1. Politics:

Don’t stress! No one’s changing their mind between the turkey and the pumpkin pie. Just skip the national debate. Instead of “What do you think of the election?” try “Who made this stuffing?”

Trust me—everyone wins in this.

2. Personal life interrogations:

“When are you getting married?” “Still at that job?” “No kids yet?” – Please save yourself and others from these questions. Thanksgiving is not a LinkedIn check-in or a family press conference. People’s lives aren’t side dishes to be picked apart. Let them breathe.

3. Anything that starts with, “Did you see what they posted?”

The internet already ruined enough dinner tables. Leave TikTok and Facebook fights out of it. Thanksgiving works best in analogue—with real eye contact, zero hashtags, and selfies.

Listen—laugh, listen, and maybe apologize, if needed. The table may not fix the country, but it can still remind us what it feels like to be part of one.