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Why texting might be hurting your chances at love (And what to do instead)
It’s incredibly hard to express yourself authentically in writing especially in short-form, instant messages.
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Shalini Singh - Sun, 25, May 2025
- 04:35 EDT
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Today we live in a world of messages, texts, DMs, WhatsApps, blue ticks, emojis. That’s how we stay connected. It’s quick, easy, and non-intrusive. But when it comes to dating especially when you're looking for a serious relationship in this form, texting might just be one of the least effective ways to get to know someone.
Let’s unpack why.
1. Texting often fails to reflect your real thoughts
It’s incredibly hard to express yourself authentically in writing especially in short-form, instant messages. What was meant as warm might read cold. A joke might fall flat. And when there's no tone or context, you end up constantly wondering: Did they get what I meant?
2. It leads to overthinking
Texting makes you second-guess everything.
Should I reply now or wait?
Did I sound too eager?
Why did they just send a thumbs up?
The conversation becomes an exhausting mental loop. Not connection—just confusion.
3. You can’t always gauge the other person’s intention
You may be texting with sincerity. The other person may just be passing time. And because texting creates a false sense of intimacy, it's easy to mistake availability for compatibility.
So, should you stop texting altogether? Not at all. But if you’re dating to find your person, texting should complement the connection, not carry it.
Use it wisely and sparingly.
Let’s learn what texting is great for:
- Setting up calls or in-person meetings
- Sharing a fun moment or interesting article
- Playing light, flirty games like “Two Truths and a Lie”
- Staying connected between deeper conversations
And what texting should not be used for:
- Sharing your life story through paragraphs
- Explaining what you’re looking for in a partner
- Venting about past relationships
- Talking about how lonely you feel
These things do matter, but they’re best shared face-to-face or on a call, when there's space to listen, respond, and connect on a deeper level.
Quick rule: Limit texting to 5–7 minutes a day.
That’s all you need in the early days. Let curiosity do the rest. If something clicks, talk. Don’t type.
Engaging with singles on a daily basis I have seen this often.
Singles who’ve been stuck in text loops that feel exciting, but go nowhere. Because texting creates comfort but not always connection. And connection is what you need when you're looking for something real.
So, next time you reach for your phone to type a long message, ask yourself- Would this be better said out loud?
Chances are, it would.
And chances are, they’d hear it differently.
The Author is the founder of andwemet a service built for single Indians 28, 29, 30 and above looking for a long term relationship.
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