Swara with ISW Women Empowering Women (WEW) team. / Courtesy-Swara Gurao

As a child, I remember switching between Bollywood songs at home and Kids Bop in the car with friends. I did not realize it then, but from a very young age, I was learning to live in two different worlds.

One of my earliest memories of creating this cultural division came from school lunch. Every morning, my mom would pack my tiffin box with delicious homemade Indian food. At home, the smell had gotten me excited to see what would be for lunch.

On the other hand, at school, that same smell made me self-conscious. As soon as I opened my lunchbox, my peers would wrinkle their noses, ask what I was eating, or say it “smelled weird”. At first, I did not understand why. But slowly, I began to feel embarrassed. I started begging my mom to let me buy lunch at school. Some days, I even snuck past her and quietly emptied the tiffin box so I would not hurt her feelings. That was the beginning of me feeling confused, and it made me start questioning my culture.

By the time I reached high school, I had pressured myself into thinking I needed to “glow up.” That meant dressing, acting, and speaking more “American” to be accepted. I believed I had to hide my Indian background to fit in. Eventually, I realized that the friends I had made by putting up this act were not real. They did not know the full version of me because I never let them see it. At the same time, I did not feel entirely accepted by many of my Indian classmates either. Some saw me as “too whitewashed,” others commented on how I did not look “stereotypically Indian.”

Even within cultural groups, I felt like I was constantly being measured or compared, whether it was about dance, grades, or popularity. Many of the friendships I formed felt more like competition than connection. A lot of people tried to befriend me just to gain social status, whether it came to dance, test scores, sports, or popularity. By junior year, I felt like I did not fit in anywhere. I was tired of pretending, tired of fake friendships. I just wanted to be myself and feel seen for who I truly was. That summer, I remember wishing that the feeling of being lost would finally go away.

During Ganpati that year, my parents convinced me to come to the India Society of Worcester (ISW), a local community organization. They said the other kids from our family friend group would be there too. Honestly, I did not want to go. I was not excited at all. However, when I walked into the newly renovated ISW building, something shifted. It looked so beautiful, but something about it still felt like home. Walking through the halls, I was hit with memories, performing skits at Ganpati as a kid, doing my very first big dance performance at age 10, singing the Indian national anthem at Marathi school, practising how to write in the language, laughing with my classmates, and especially the countless volunteering hours. For the first time in years, I remembered how proud I used to feel of my culture and how I used to embrace it fully.

 

Swara at a ISW Garba event. / Courtesy-Swara Gurao

Just then, a friend from school, who was in my family friend group, called out my name. We started talking and laughing, and soon others joined. We danced barefoot together to welcome Lord Ganesha and joked about how dirty our feet got after sitting, eating, and gossiping for hours. For the first time in a long time, I did not feel lost. I realized something important that day: each of us had gone through our own journey of cultural confusion. But here, at ISW, we were not performing, competing, or hiding. We were just enjoying the moment with one another. In that moment, I reconnected not only with my culture but with myself.

That day marked a new beginning for a wonderful friendship. To this day, we still meet up and are always the loudest people in the room. No matter how lost we feel in our own separate lives, we have created a bond where we can come to a place and just be ourselves. I believe that the community our parents built at ISW in the past, and continue to carry forward today, is what keeps this big family together. Even outside the building, the magic continues, during house parties or at-home practices. Today, I no longer see culture as something to be ashamed of or something I have to fit into a box. I see it as a source of pride and strength. ISW reminded me that freedom is not just about independence; it is about feeling accepted, seen, and celebrated for all parts of who you are.

There have been times when I have felt lost while in college. But through the friends I have made, I am reminded that I have a community that accepts and supports me for who I am. We have all watched each other grow, as individuals and as a community. Many of us can look back on our moms’ dances, art competitions, India Day, Dhol Tasha events, or every graduation party as a community. We have made that place a home. And we have become one big family.

 

The author is a law student at Suffolk University and has grown up within the Indian Society of Worcester (ISW).
(The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of India Abroad)